Its My Security Blanket

Yesterday sucked =/..

2009-12-08T08:26:02Z

i was Doing amazing up unitl yesterday i i epic fail..

Breakfast: Nothing
Lunch: Pizza crust And a cup of fries =/ [ i kno im horrible]
Dinner: bowl of rice, crackers, 5 pieces of chicken !

WHY CANT I JUST STOP AFTER ONE BITE UGh i hate this and to top it all off.....
we have pictures for cheerleading tomorrow..oh joy =/

My goal weight is now 140 by the end of this week since im back up to 145

135!

2009-06-05T21:03:25Z

So my gw is to be 135 by the 19th for sure

today was ok i guess better then the rest of the week

break- half a fuze,peice of gum, 5 crackers, 6 weat thins= 105
lunch - Half a turkey sub with lettace cheese and bread, 3 fries, quater cup of corn, half a fuze = 700 [BLECH!]
and now i have to go have a glass of chocolate milkin order to keep from bindging tonight
so ive had about 800 cals
but i burned off a good 700 i think today i road my bike for an hour

but wish me luck tonight im going to the mall.....food is everywhere there =[

...

2009-05-13T01:14:56Z

Fuck My Life ......

thats all i have to say

Im Back...

2009-05-12T01:55:12Z

So Im back down to 145 still fat though
today i ate a few fries and then a peice of poptart
but other then that nothing
this is very good for me

Working out tomorrow after schools out and def. skippin lunch
ive agreed to a 5 day fast
have to look semi ok for junior prom

discusting_pain @ 2008-07-21T09:14:00

2008-07-21T13:24:55Z

1. what is your first name?
Ciara

2. how old are you?
15
3. how tall are you?
5'2
4. what is your current weight?
142

5. what is your highest weight?
153

6. what is your lowest weight?
142

7. what is your goal weight for 1 week from now?
135 atleast
8. what is your goal weight for 1 month from now?
125 atleast
9. what is your ultimate goal weight?
120
10. who is your favorite thinspo?
Miley Cyrus and selena gomez
11. what is your favorite thinspo picture right now?
one i found on flickr

12. what is your favorite activity?
Ride my bike or running
13. what is your favorite diet?
i don't really have a "diet" i just restrict as much as possible
14. what diet would you like to try next?
Anything as long as i see results
15. what is the longest fast you have ever done?
ha 2 days [im a failier]
16. what is your weakness?
french fries, pizza, soda

17. what is your favorite cardio machine at the gym?
the elliptical
18. what is your favorite cardio exercise?
running
19. what is your favorite ab exercise?
crunches
20. how many crunches/ab exercises do you do a day?
at least 100
21. how many times a week do you work out?
i try to do at least 5 days..but that doesent happen
22. how many hours a day do you work out?
its hard cause i dont have agym members ship and im buisy all day
23. what is your favorite energy boosting snack for before or after exercising?
water
24. what sport do you love to play the most?
Soccer!
25. what is your favorite non alcoholic drink?
iced tee
26. what is your favorite healthy snack?
fruit
27. what is your favorite junk food snack?
poptars
28. how many people know about your ED?
None
29. do you own an ana or mia bracelet?
no i dont.. i wish i did
30. what is your ED?
anorexia with bulimic tendencies
31. do you smoke?
no
32. how many cigarettes a day do you smoke if you smoke?
none
33. do you get tha munchies if you blaze?
nope
34. if you b/p how many times a day/week do you b/p? i
i dont ususaly binge...but if its a bad week i end up purging the majority of wat i eat for the hole week
trying to stop though

35, how many cals do you binge on when you slip up and binge?
at least 600 to 700
36, how many lbs would you love to drop right this second?
10 at least but really 115
37, are you in a relationship?
no
38, did this help pass your time up a bit? nope

Found it /......

2008-07-20T01:50:36Z

ANOREXIA

[x] you don't eat breakfast

[x] you don't eat lunch.
[x] you have starved yourself.
[x] you have low self esteem.
[x] most people say you starve yourself.
[x] you just hate to eat things with a lot of fat.
[] people say you're fine and don't need to stop eating, but you disagree.
[x] you always make sure your not eating things with high calories + sugars

Total: 7

ADHD

[ x] you are hyper most of the time.
[ ] you barely pay attention to anything.
[ ] you cannot cooperate with people well.
[] you seem to never sit still.
[x ] you talk all the time.
[ ] you need attention 24/7.
Total: 2

BIPOLAR DISORDER

[x] you can act wild at times then the next day you are severely depressed.
[x] you barely get any or no sleep.
[ ] you have very high self esteem at times.
[] you have abused alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[x] you have VERY bad mood swings

Total: 3

BULIMIA NERVOSA

[x] you've thrown up all of your food.
[x] you have thrown it up even when you don't feel sick.
[ ] you have no control over how you eat.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[] you eat fast.
[x] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[x] you always say you are fat, when people say you aren't.
Total: 4

CONDUCT DISORDER

[ ] you are a bully.
[ ] you threaten other people.
[ ] you often find yourself in fights.
[ ] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others.
[ ] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[ ] you have raped/molested someone.
[ ] you destroy property on purpose.
[x] you have lied before.
[x ] you've stayed out all night.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
Total: 2

DEPRESSION

[x ] you are always sad.
[x ] you always are crying.
[] you no longer find excitement over the activities you used to love.
[] you always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[] you can be anti-social.
[x] at times you have low self esteem.
[x ] everything bad that happens is always your fault.
Total: 4

OCD

[x] you have had some disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[x] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[x] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[x] you have harmed yourself.
[x] you are afraid you will get a STD, HIV-AIDS or any kind of germs.
[x] you have to check some stuff over again.
Total: 6

SCHIZOPHRENIA

[ ] you often have hallucinations.
[ ] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[x] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[x] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness
[ ] you do not take care of your hygiene like you should.
[x ] you are shy

total:3

discusting_pain @ 2008-07-10T21:45:00

2008-07-11T01:47:53Z

so the reason i stopped posting was cause i was out of control
i started to eat semi normaly again!
but turns out i lost three more pounds
wich is pretty amazing to me but i could have dont better my goal is to loose 2 more pounds by
sunday but 2 morrow we are going out to eat so hopefull i stay in control
but yeah i weigh 143 so 1 more pound till i reach my lowest weight [ i kno its suckish but its w.e]

Ok ...So

2008-07-05T02:35:33Z

for the past week in a 1/2
i thought i was doing really really bad
but i lost 6 pounds so far

i feel so good about myself right now
but i still have a long way to go b4 i reach my goal wieght

but 2 day my friend goes "ciara doesent eat"
wich got me a lil nervous do you think shell notice cause
if she finds out then shell tell someone i think
and i dont want that to happen
no one needs to kno and its none of their business
my body my rules but any who

my stats:

Height : 5'2

hw: 152
cw: 146
lw: 142
gw: 125
gw 2: 120

OK..

2008-07-02T02:26:34Z

For the past 3 days my life sucked
last night i realized that
im nothing and need to change alot
o cried for about an hour

a guy will never want this fat cow

EVER

so yeah

2 day i had 2 tukey sandwiches
rice
and salad

the 2 days b4 that werent that great
i feel like i gained a3463463 pounds

GROSS

NOT GOOD!

2008-06-28T05:03:23Z

Well yesterday i had 2 turkey sandwiches
with only bread and 3 slices of turkey
then i had 7 9 pizza bites
thats wasnt good at all
its was just sickening haveing to eat it
ugh i hope i can stay on track!!!

I NEED SOME HELP GUYS!
ANY SUGGESTIONs???

2468 <3

2008-06-27T00:41:01Z

So yeah 2 day wasnt good
i had 2 walfles this morning with syrup cause
my friend made me eat
and for dinner i had a sandwich
with 3 slicees of turkey on it

and thats it
them walfes have been on my mind all day and it sucks
cause i dont like purging so i stay away from it
but its eating away at me and i feel i let my self down
but yeah i disided to go for the 2468 diet
but yeah im going to hang out with te guy i like alo t this week end

saturday we are going to graduation 2 gether
then a party that night
then church in the morning
just though id share th at with you =]

So far....

2008-06-25T18:41:49Z

i stayed at a friends house so i had to eat breakfast
but i only have a tiny bowl of coco Pebbles
and then a glass of lemonade

when i got home i had an apple so im good i think

the sad thing is my scale broke so i dont kno where
i stand at the moment

and im going to my friends house tonight and im afraid shell make me eat!

Say no to food
Say Hola To thin <3

Info

2008-06-24T20:50:20Z

thought i should put some info about me on here
im 14 , 15 in sept.

HW: 154
CW: 150
LW: 142
GW [1]: 125
GW [2]: 120

Gosh <3

2008-06-24T20:20:58Z

Well i really like this kid hes pretty amazing
but i dont kno how to tell him how i feel
and i dont think its a good idea to have a
friend do it cause then it never works out
and i dont kno what else to do

but yeah i did good on my diet 2 day
i didnt realy have anything for breakfast
then i had a cheese sandwich
it had 170 calories
and then i had and apple with some juice

it was ok i could do better though

im doing good so far <3

Today was ok

2008-06-24T00:00:59Z

Well i woke up Starving !
i had 2 crackers for breakfast and all i had to drink all day was
1 bottle of vitemon water
and then for lunch i had a 6 inch sub from sub way
with cheese and mayo
and then nothing eles
so today was very good for me

update tomorrw

oh and ive been talking to this guys i really like and
its going great! just though youd like to kno

Im Doing ok

2008-06-23T00:57:09Z

So Yeah 2 day i had a few mosarella sticks and fries
and then a popsicle

not to good but better then last week

2 morrow going to be so hard not to eat my heart out
but ill just throw away all the food that i have cravings for so yeah
ill update 2 morrow possibley =]

My Start

2008-06-16T00:21:16Z

Today i had A granola bar of 100 cali
a bottle of water
a bite of a turkey sandwich
and 3 table sppons of rice

Grr i have no control
this is just sick seriously
im sick of giving in
its discustngand ugly

and now this guys is in the picture

Getting serious

2008-06-15T10:38:09Z

Getting serious now.....b4 i wasnt do as well as i should be
the first 2 weeks i lost 10 pounds
then me stupidly couldnt control my self so i eat "normal"
for the next 2 weeks couldnt help my self
but now im getting real serious
im done with this body and this life.... from her on out only 800 cal a day to
start.